50 000 Names (Carved in the Wall)
by badass-trio-lovers
Summary: Inspired by the song "50 000 names (carved in the Wall)". Post-book. Pony's thoughts years after Soda's death.


**Hello everybody. Well, to all who are waiting an update from my story "Breakdown" I'm going to update very soon I promise. I just haven't got any time right now to type the chapters as I have them all in a notebook (Yeah I have a fanfics notebook… Lame? Well no!).**

**Ok this is a one-shot inspired by the song "50 000 names (carved in the wall)". It's an old one but it's very good! So listen to it! :) I found it while doing a research about the Vietnam War (I'm kinda obsessed with that I mean I just feel like wanting to kill everyone in the government –all around the world- when I read about it but I'm doing a big –BIG- history project about it and the more I learn the more I want to know). **

**Hehe. Sorry about that... I always talk/write a lot when I like something. Anyways, like I was saying the song is about the Vietnam War and the Wall that's in Washington D.C. (The Memorial) so you get where this is going… **

**Ugh that was long. Anyway hope you enjoy it!**

**-Admin A**

**Disclaimer: I don't own "The Outsiders". Mrs. Hinton does. (And still she won't write a sequel… ****)**

**P.d. This is in Pony's PoV. **

**P.d.1. By the time the Wall was made Pony was probably 30 or more.**

_(Washington D.C. - 1982)_

By the time I arrived there, Darry and Steve were already standing in front of it. They stood there, side by side, staring at it, Darry with his hands in his pockets and Steve smoking a cigarette.

I silently walked toward them and stood next to Darry. "Hey…" I whispered softly.

"Hey…" answered Darry. Steve just gave me a nod.

Since we heard about the "Memorial" we all decided we would somehow go there together. For him.

"Two-bit ain't coming huh?" I asked looking around for our goofy friend.

Steve shook his head. "His mother got sick. He had to stay and take care of her. Ya know with his sis married and all." I just nodded. Soda wouldn't mind. He would like it that at least Darry, Steve and I were here.

"So…" Darry started. "Where do we begin?"

"I heard they are in order of – of death." I said taking a deep breath. "He must be over there." I muttered pointing a spot in the Wall.

We all three walked there together. Each of us using our eyes to scan the wall; searching for our brother, our lost brother.

"There." Steve pointed with his finger a name. _Sodapop P. Curtis._

"It ain't a name you just can't notice." He mumbled. Darry smiled a bit and touched the letters with his fingers as if he was writing the name himself.

My eyes stared at the name and it that moment I could feel Soda was right there with me. I could feel him stronger than ever. Not like I felt he was with me every day in my home or work. Or how I felt he was near when I visited him in the cemetery. This was different. This wasn't just an empty coffin or a headstone with a name written in it. This was my brother's effort. This was what he had fought for. What he had died for.

I kneeled in front of the wall. Soda's name was up my head now but I didn't care. He knew this was for him. I carefully took a book out of my backpack, placed it in the floor and opened it in the second page. With printed letters it said: _'To my brothers, Darry and Soda. Thanks for everything guys._' And under that in my handwriting it said:

'_Dear Soda,_

_I really miss you and I know Darry does too. Life with you just isn't the same. It will never be. I truly think you deserve your name in this wall, Sodapop. You were brave and fought for what you loved. You did something many man avoided or tried to. And for that and more I admire you, Soda. You were always the one who could understand everything. And I have really needed you all this time._

_I always used to think Johnny died too young, that 16 years weren't too much. Well, 18 weren't much either. You deserved to live more, Soda. We needed you to. We still do._

_But you died trying to save lifes. You died like a true southern gentleman, Sodapop. And for that the world shall remember you. History remembers its heroes._

_I love you, Soda. I always will._

_Thanks for everything you taught me. This is for you,_

_Ponyboy Curtis'_

I looked at the book. It had been the first book I published. I wrote it on my first college year and it was published a couple years later. It was my pride and joy, actually. Being such a young writer and with a wonderful book like that. So I decided to give it to Soda when I heard about the wall and that all the objects placed there will go to an archive. There no one will take it. It will remain his forever.

I stood up and noticed Darry was looking at me. He put an arm around my shoulders and in that moment I felt like the 16-year-old Pony, the one who had just lost his big brother to an awful war. I wasn't the adult Ponyboy Curtis. I was just the same kid I had been when Soda had leaved us. I wanted to cry so badly. But I wouldn't. I had promised Soda I wouldn't be sad over him.

_(Flashback)_

_Today was the day Soda was leaving. I was mad at him for leaving, mad at the government for making him go, mad at Darry for not being able to stop it and mad at me for being mad at anyone else._

_Being in that mood I locked myself in my room and refused to talk to anyone._

"_Pony…" Soda's voice came from outside my room and then he knocked the door. "Hey, can I come in?"_

'_No' was my first thought. But then I realized this might be the last time I saw or talked to my brother for a long time, maybe forever. That thought made tears come to my eyes. I ran toward the door, opened it and hugged my brother. Soda immediately hugged me back and started stroking my hair when he realized I was crying. _

"_Shh…Don't cry ok?" he begged, his voice pained. I just kept crying, hiding my face in his chest not wanting him to go._

"_Ponyboy, don't cry." Soda said, harder this time. His voice's tone made me stop crying though I was still sobbing every few seconds. Soda sighed "Sorry. Pony you gotta promise me you won't cry."_

"_But…" I started but Soda interrupted me_

"_No buts, Pone. Promise me you'll stop crying and you won't start again when I leave. For no reason, ok?" he said taking my face in his hands and forcing me to look at him._

"_I- I can't." I sniffed, trying to tell him how hard it would be for me not to cry when he was gone._

"_Yes you can. Pone, I don't wanna think you'll be sad all the time." He let go of my face and I looked down. It hurt to hear Soda so worried about me._

"_Hey. Look at me." He told me putting a hand on my shoulder. "Promise me this. If you ever miss me real bad or if… if anything happens. Than you can cry but just let one tear fall ok? Don't waste your tears in sadness, Pone. Save them for joy." I nodded and hugged him. He hugged me back._

"_Just one tear, remember that" he whispered in my ear._

_(End flashback)_

Remembering the promise I made to my brother I let one tear fall and wiped it quickly, trying to keep the others. It wasn't easy and for a moment I thought I was going to lose it and cry my eyes out. But I didn't. I thought about my family, about Darry, my career and all the happy things I could. I remembered happy moments with my parents, with Soda, with Johnny and Dally. And with a lot of effort: I kept the other tears for falling. Darry pulled me closer to him and we just stared at the wall, at my brother's name.

"Just one tear." I mumbled. _I kept my promise, Soda. I did. For you._

**Well, let me explain the book thing. S.E. Hinton said in one interview she liked to think Pony was a famous mystery writer. So for me that means "The Outsiders" wouldn't be a book he published. And I'm kinda okay with that so the first book he published and mentioned in this story is a mystery book.**


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